snippets

i've been thinking about when we each become our own true selves. is it when we become adults? parents for the first time? when we land our dream job and excel at it? do we ever stop growing emotionally or striving to be our own best self?

i remember reading on a favorite blog a few years ago that people in the writer's hometown were accusing her of "reinventing herself" on her blog. all i could think was what's wrong with that? we each do that to a certain extent at each stage of our lives. headed off to Ball State University in the fall of 1971, i had an opportunity to explore new people, interests and adventures, reinventing  myself along the way. when i became a mother for the first time, i got to decide what kind of mother i would be. when my kids left the nest i became interested in art, photography, blogging and so much more. i'm certainly not the same person i was in 1998 because i've challenged myself to grow and evolve.

on social media we get to show snippets of our lives. we rarely show our dirty underwear on the floor or the crappy, soap-crusted shower curtain liner hanging in our tub. i love Instagram for its plethora of stylized photos of mundane things -- acorns on a bed of moss, tree reflections in a cup of tea, gorgeous knitted works in progress beside a homemade cranberry scone come to mind. but, we all know that those lovely people have dirty little secrets around their house just like we do. we don't necessarily see their own true selves. but, i am confident that they are growing and evolving.

i'm well aware that these thoughts are in the forefront of my mind because the time is coming for me to make retirement decisions. or not. for years, i've felt like i never get enough free time to do everything i want to do so working part time is attractive to me. i could instantly type a dozen things i'd like to explore just in the arts and crafts category. conversations on this topic often have me telling people that i think i might be a nicer person if i don't work full time. i also know that i am happiest when i'm busy.

but, mostly i'm thinking about who i want to be for the next 20 years. i unfurled some pretty big wings a few years ago so i could fly to the life i wanted. one thing i know for sure is that i'm not finished flying yet. there just might be a new set of wings waiting to be unfurled.

who will you be in five years? in ten? are you yearning to unfurl your wings and fly?

for me. for therapy. for memory

often, when the pondering in my head starts to outgrow my brain capacity, i feel the need to capture my thoughts. write them down. edit, slash, delete, rearrange, mix, mingle and ease them. perhaps put them in a little bottle for future inspection. uncork the bottle on a distant day and see what impressions the faded thoughts might make on an older me. for years, this blog was the bottle. i revisit my ponderings from time to time. so here i am again.pondering. sharing. recording.

i do this for me. for therapy. for memory.

some of my favorite bloggers are introverts like me. we may keep our thoughts to ourselves in large gatherings but we always have something to say.

spring has twirled her magic color wand and blessed us with flowers, blooming trees and green grass. she awakened me from my winter slumber, invigorating my senses and encouraging me to get out into nature. and, maybe, just maybe she has reignited my urge to record my life here in this safe place. if you're reading this, then welcome. if no one reads this, that's perfectly fine.

 i do this for me. for therapy. for memory.