Monday, September 14, 2009

alone


i've always prided myself on being able to entertain myself. i like my own company and am rarely bored. there's always something interesting to do or read at my house. although i love my hubbie dearly it is always a nice break when he's gone for the evening. but, this week finds me completely alone for the first time in over 16 years. bill left friday morning to fly to nova scotia on business. the trip to the vet and the heartbreaking decision to say goodbye to presley saturday morning were done alone. the drive to indiana and digging his grave were done alone. i've been strong and hung in there fairly well. but i've learned that it is not fun to be alone. after 16 1/2 years of having presley at my side constantly and then the year of helping him get around and eat, i feel very lost. coming into the house today and not having him here waiting for me was almost surreal. i keep thinking that i've forgotten to do something and catch myself "checking in" on him as i did constantly for months. i humbly vow that i won't ever wish for a few minutes alone again. i've learned that alone is a most lonely word.

heartfelt thanks to each of you who left sweet words of comfort on my last post. they meant the world to me.

tomorrow will bring a cheerful post full of hope and music. "the best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up." --mark twain--

13 comments:

Moriah said...

Hang in there, Julie. AND, remember, you're never alone. We're just a few keystrokes away. Take care of yourself my friend!

Jennifer said...

So sorry to hear about your little buddy. I know it can feel so bad to be alone... but just remember, we are never truly alone! :)

nanatrish said...

I have to ditto Moriah. We are here for you. Losing a beloved pet is such a difficult thing. They are like our babies and it's like a piece of our heart has broken.

Martha Lever said...

My heart goes out to you, Julie, and tears are stinging my eyes right now. When we lost a companion we have had for so long there really is an emptiness that hurts so much. Have you thought about a new puppy yet?--or maybe it's too soon..

I am thinking of you.

WW said...

Julie
You bring tears to my eyes when I think about you and your special friend...and your feeling of "alone".
I still feel that myself. They become a part of your very being. ((hug))

Bairbre Aine said...

Julie, I am sad to read about the loss of your dear wee pal.
Am sending you cheerful, creative comforting hug!
Bairbre Aine

ArtPropelled said...

Our pets can be our little shadows and when they are not there to follow at your heels after many years of doing so it's quite a shock. Hang in there Julie, there will be a time when you can laugh and smile at the memories without the pain you are feeling now.

Betsy said...

I love to be alone, too...but not THAT alone. Sorry you had to do all of that without your hubby around!

cindy said...

sometimes, things happen and we're sad and there's no way around it. it's ok to feel that way for a little while without trying to make yourself feel better so soon. hugs.

willow said...

I spend a lot of time alone, since I'm married to a traveler. But I wasn't completely alone until our lab, Ralphy, died two years ago. I didn't realize how much I talked to him until he was gone. I'll be thinking about you this week. Blogging helps.

Regi S. said...

So sorry about your loss :( Rest in peace to your little pal.

cindy said...

Hope tomorrow is better.

Susan said...

I think that was the hardest for me ...of course I'd never imagined what our home would feel like without Jake in it and he'd been a part of my life for so long I'd forgotten those days before he and I met. And as you know I still miss him terribly.

lots of love Susan & les Gang