as adults, we really don't get very many chances to go back. back to our childhoods. back to our youth. back to times of innocence and simplicity. on the rare occasions that we do get the chance, nothing seems the same as we remember. everything looks smaller. or darker. or backwards.
i've moved in with my mom . . . to take care of her and the garden and the chickens. i'm sleeping in the same bedroom i shared with my sister 53 years ago when my parents first built our house. oh the memories of that innocent, naive girl (me!) who spent so many hours dreaming in this room.
that girl was a mischievous tomboy who liked to show off her football throw and do back flips off the diving board. that girl was a shy goody two shoes who didn't question authority or talk back to her elders. that girl believed everything she was told: when my biology teacher told us he would freeze three mice and bring them back to life at the end of the term, i believed him and argued with my dad about it all year. that girl longed to be julie andrews in the sound of music and practiced singing the hills are alive with the sound of music while dancing around the room. that girl rarely backed down from a dare!!
i know i appreciated my parents, our house, my life back then but none of that compares to the depth of understanding and gratitude i feel returning as an adult. this (old) girl has lived a wonderful life, loved a lot, lost a bit, raised 2 wonderful children, worked hard to succeed, faced hardships, laughed til i cried, cried till it hurt and perhaps become just a tiny bit cynical. witnessing what my parents accomplished in their lives if just downright humbling. being there for them has been a privilege. loving them an honor.
i suspicion that my mom is telling people that i moved in here so she could help me out while i continue to find myself/go thru this midlife moment. i know that i moved in to watch out for her and take the load off of taking care of this property on her own. honestly, we are helping each other out and it is so good for both of us. living in the country is definitely good for my soul and the hard labor is the best therapy i can imagine.
life is really just all about perspective, isn't it? how we choose to look at things makes all the difference. i am where i am because of the choices i've made. and i can live with that.
writing this post has me thinking about the beach boys and THIS song!!
now i'm off to my room to practice singing and dancing. you never know when they may decide to do a remake of the sound of music. i need to be ready!! lol