Friday, July 22, 2011
lately i've been wondering about those people who seem to be content to simply be. laid-back and happily content, they don't seem to question their existence or place in the world. do they secretly yearn to be more? has some light illuminated them to a secret truth i've not yet learned? do they laugh at the constantly buzzing bees like me who can't seem to light on any one thing for any length of time? whereas i scurry to create and learn and plan and scheme and maybe even prove something, they watch quietly from the sidelines.
when i decided to quit my corporate job a few months ago a part of me wanted to simply be. i was burned out, waaay out. i felt like i had not let myself simply be for a long time, maybe never. for a month or so i vegged out and did as little as possible. but as soon as the sun warmed the earth my simply be mode rapidly kicked into a new notched-up gear. spading earth, planting veggies, hoeing weeds, building fence, hammering up nesting boxes and roosting poles, mucking the chicken house and much more has consumed me. this week i've silently asked myself -- are you trying to work off some debt? pay a fine? prove something? is your slaving a way to hide from something? where is all of this taking you?
i have only a few glimmers of insight into the answers. work has been a kind of mind-numbing therapy. sore muscles at the end of the day actually feel good. doing it myself, all by myself, can be daunting and frustrating and physically challenging. yelling a few obscenities when the lid of the chicken watering can won't budge is an exhilarating cathartic rush. taking a deep breath and slowing down actually works. i haven't figured out exactly what i want to do in life; it is easy to know what i will choose not to do again. it's ok to be sad and cry once in a while. mom's (apple or cherry or strawberry cream or butterscotch) pie heals (almost) all wounds. this all just part of the journey. try to enjoy it.
as i'm writing this i promise myself that i will take one day a week to simply be. but even as i'm typing these words i know that i'll need to modify that promise from one day to one hour.
Posted by julie king at 7:16 AM