free

my bff and i were e-mailing yesterday about our need to control things. we have an ongoing discussion about our wishes for our funeral arrangements. yes, you read that right -- our funeral arrangements!! this all started a few years ago when i was impressed by the music a cousin selected for her father's funeral. i started thinking about what music i wanted to be played at my funeral. so i started a list -- life goes on by the beatles, the sound of silence by simon and garfunkel, carole king's tapestry and the list goes on and on, periodically tweaked and increased. my bff one-upped me and sent me the cd of her funeral songs along with a note that she was charging me with the task of ensuring that her sons play it at her last call. eventually this discussion turned to what we wanted to be buried in. my bff - jeans and a black t-shirt. me --pajamas, of course!! all of these discussions and plans are done in the best of fun but my bff and i both know that it is really all about control and wanting to have the last say even as we lay in our caskets. maybe by the time we are in our 80's the need to control will be long gone but i truly home not.

the above photo was taken in my art room. i change the sayings on the blackboards sometimes but these are 2 of my favorites, especially the free your heart one. i try to live my life this way but have to admit that it's not always easy. i mostly struggle with the worry and the expectation parts. those are really all about control or lack of control in my life. someday i'll get the hang of it, i'm sure. someday i'll be free.